Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Doing some of the hardest writing I've ever had to do in my life, and I'm not talking about what I'm writing right now. I'm talking about writing my own sister's obituary. What's hardest about it is that she hasn't even left us yet, but we know it's coming. She went into the hospital in late January after contracting an infection in the port in her head, and never came out. She's now in hospice care, and we're down to a period of just days and weeks in terms of her prognosis. My parents indicated that writing the obituary would be a big help to them, but since my brother's busy with school, I've had to take on the majority of the work. We've (my other siblings and I) all been to Seattle to visit her, but of course, it never feels like enough. My mom's been there since December, and my dad, too, more or less (he's made a few trips home here and there to take care of stuff--mainly bills and checking on my grandma, who's also in a nursing home).

I think I'm well past the denial stage now. It's clear we're going to lose her. I have noticed that my other sibs and I have remained relatively numb to everything throughout this whole ordeal. Perhaps it's because we're trying to be sources of strength for our parents? My dad did break down on my shoulder last weekend. They're definitely in need of the support. But what happens when that support gives way--as I'm afraid it might--when my mind finally decides to have a breakdown of its own?

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